Womenomics
In barely 5 years time, women will be two times richer than India & China combined, a CNN article quotes the World Bank.
And no this is not because they marry several rich husbands each. It’s about more women joining the workforce in developing countries and outnumbering their male counterparts in the US, for example. It’s now about “womenomics” and asking companies how to best serve the potential ‘saviours of the world economy’.
For those who have tirelessly worked to empower women – these are sweet, sweet words.
I say, yeah! We’ve come a long way baby, and we rock!
Grumpy Women
Yet, despite this, surveys of over a million women in developed countries show that women’s happiness in the last 40 years have dimmed (while men have become happier). In addition, women are less happy with their lot in life as they grow older while men become happier (so much for grumpy old men).
I thought this increasing unhappiness and dissatisfaction is all because of the “superwoman” syndrome that we women (yes, us, not men) inflict on ourselves. The need to be everything all at once: successful careerist, excellent mother, supportive wife (sister & daughter), community paragon, faithful BFF and a supermodel.
Nobody can be all that.
True enough a book (Supergirls Speak Out: Inside The Secret Crisis Of Over-Achieving Girls) and surveys show that the pressure for young girls to excel in “school, sports, relationships and looks” are making them - supergirl wannabes - very stressed and yup, unhappy. A 2009 UK survey says teenage girls are twice likely to self-harm as boys. Many of them are increasingly diagnosed with depression, have eating disorders and serious body issues.
Is feminism a double-edged sword?
We see a lot of working moms defending their position not to be full-time mothers. We see non-working mothers being pitied by many women for being “just a mom”. We see women blaming the feminist movement for wrongly selling them the idea that they will be happy childless and alone – having treated men as disposable commodities. We see women celebrating motherhood late in life and declaring their careers never gave them the same amount of fulfilment as raising their children.
Note, that in all this debate i.e., offensive vs defensive positions women take in justifying their chosen roles; it is women who are the best or worst critics of each other. Men, I think wisely refuse to get on this bandwagon – after all we dug this hole for ourselves.
This feminine judgmental view is a very knee jerk thing. We do it unconsciously, even subtly. I remember, in between careers and staying home with small babies, my girl friends became increasingly uncomfortable in my company. I felt that they pitied me because I could not contribute sensibly to their upward professional mobility discussions as I was stuck with raving about my son’s first words, or antics. Without stimuli other than what motherhood brought, I increasingly felt stupid and gauche among my peers. I stopped seeing them altogether.
And the funny thing is, when I rejoined the working world (and ‘regained’ my intelligence and confidence), I only felt pity for full time moms who felt inadequate especially when they had husbands having affairs with successful office mates. The only comfort I could give was to encourage them to stop just being a mom and do other things and be in shape. Ingredients that collectively puts pressure on women to be everything all at once! A recipe for unhappiness, if you will.
Lady’s Choice
I think, feminism gave us wonderful opportunities and choices. However, what we do with those opportunities and choices is our own business and should not be subjected to unrelenting disdainful criticism. We should not buckle under women pressure – whatever their philosophy is. And definitely we should not allow our teenage daughters to be burdened with all our issues.
Happiness is a choice. And life is a parade of never-ending trade-offs. Either we adjust our attitude to make the best of what we have or we should reassess and select only those that we feel would best suit us. It’s our life and we alone will deal with the consequences of our choices, not the other critical females (and true friends will support us no matter what, anyway).
For the rest of womanhood out there – we’ve arrived, we’re in the mainstream. Now, can we be kinder to each other, regardless of the roles – CEO, working mom, homemaker, wife, fat or thin – we choose to take?
http://edition.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/asiapcf/10/25/intl.women.global.economy/index.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcus-buckingham/whats-happening-to-womens_b_289511.html
http://tailemac.multiply.com/journal/item/18/Why_women_are_more_unhappy_today_than_yesterday
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